Dear God...

maybe its the eight billion gallons of cold diet coke i've put in me today, or maybe the air conditioning in the warehouse (i work in a warehouse. a warehouse full of cubicles.) is set to "arctic winter," but i am so fucking cold... oh my god.

how cold it is:

its so cold my nipples could cut glass.

its so cold my nipples stick out like blazes.

its as cold as a witches tit in a brass brazier.

its as cold as a wizards nut in a brass jock.

its so cold i swear to god i farted and my ass cheeks froze together.

its so cold i licked my lips and my tongue got stuck to my lip-ring.

on another note, my coworkers and i were discussing groups of people doing cruel things to individuals. of course, i had to chime in that its really sad how the cruel things are so much fun. damnit, people laughed. they were just afraid to say it. and its true. being cruel is really... cruel. but more often than not its also really funny, for at least one of the people involved.

also, i don't actually have a lip ring.

also, before i could regain control over my mouth by interrupting the direct feed it was getting from my brain, coworker e responded to my remark about cruelty by saying she would beat me with a rolled up magazine, to which i replied, "i would like it!" then i sat down in my seat and promised myself i would not speak again for the rest of the day, because clearly doing so is not safe. i swear i don't know why i haven't been fired yet...