Turkey Day '05

Happy Thanksgiving!

i take issue with thanksgiving. really, at this point you're asking "now, what DON'T you take issue with!" true enough, true enough. but yes. the discovery of the "new world" ushered in genocide, slavery, and all sorts of other fun things (mercantilism, imperialism, etc...) but still, the idea, is nice. standing around the kitchen with family, making a meal together and then eating it together, is nice. its good. i like it. i have a horrible squashy spot somewhere in my nether regions for familial intimacy, love, and bonding. so sue me. i'm not that good a cynic.

so i spent this year with dad. as a divorced child, holidays are sources of stress in a strange way. you want to be fair. you try to remember who you spent last year with, you try to give equal time to all parties, etc. but we thought our cousin, (dad's deceased younger brother's daughter) would be here, so we planned on being with dad. which is all well and good. she didn't show up after all, which is a pity, since i think she could have used some well-meaning family around... her dad died while she was just going to college, she's hated her mother for years (with good reason; inane, horrible woman. racist, stupid, self-absorbed.) and she's been making her own way, so i would've liked us to be able to provide a haven. alas, alack. maybe sometime soon.

note well: the most popular destination this thanksgiving holiday weekend? san antonio. yeah, that's right! big ups to sa-town! whoop whoop!

anyway, the day was lovely, the food was outstanding, mom had a place to go, so she was set, all things are good. zach and i had been having a row (mostly my fault) for a week, but he began talking to me again tuesday. which was nice. i was a little worried, and i'd already written a letter, and it's hard to give someone a lot of space when you live in the same house. but the hump has been crossed, so healing can slowly begin. or something equally doctor phil. i'm sorry. i'm not the best with emotional stuff. but i'm really glad this is over, because for that week, i missed him, and realized that i'd been missing him for a while in some ways. so a new day dawns, washed clean of the detritus of the night before. for now.

its been a while, and lots has happened. i should update more... when your blog is your shrink, you really need to schedule at least weekly visits. but anywhoo... went to austin to stay with buia-san and his posse. everyone seemed to like me, which is awesome, and i liked everyone, even his evil roommate who was so jealous of me... we can talk later... he seems... interesting, in a "i need to deal with my shit" sort of way. i also took a quick jaunt up the next sunday to meet with someone looking for a roommate. despite augering well from the get-go, she ended up going with some guy more her age with a steady job. understandable, and she said he was only *almost* as cool as me, and wants to hang out when i get up there. so that's cool. apparently, people like me... i know, i'm just as confused as you are...

so while i was with buia-san, i interiewed at the austin graduate school for architecture. informal, just a "hey, how's it going, this is who i am" sort of thing. i'm so excited... the program is all about how "architecture is a part of the social/cultural landscape, and it effects everyone involved, from the design to building to usage stages." yes. it is wesleyan in architecture form. i'm practically wetting myself thinking about it. of course, i still have to get in... but the graduate advisor (the guy i talked to) thought my portfolio was "promising," so i think i have a good shot. i need to finish my personal statement this month. it needs a big overhaul, but the ideas are there. i just have to turn it into something spectacular! then i can spend december on my portfolio (in mailable form). hot damn!!!

in my living room, in front of some family photos, a menorah, and a megillat esther (the holy scroll we jews read on purim) in a fancy wooden case, stands a plastic tube-top peter griffin, complete with purple feather boa, purse, lipstick, and makeup compact. oh yeah... the living room is lookin' nice...

the aeon flux movie is coming out soon... so... excited... i don't care if it sucks... i grew up on aeon. i miss her. she rocks so hard, people in china think there's an earthquake going on. and now she's graduating to the big screen... i think i'm getting misty. hold on a sec... all right. enough. that, and king kong, are my two must-see holiday movies. fuck all this family shmaltz and crap. i want martial arts and peter jackson's take on a twenty-five foot tall gorilla in love with naomi watts. we even get some adrien brody (sigh) and jack black (ha HAH!) thrown in for good measure. i'm beyond what normal people would call excited at this point. but enough about movies.

i'm not sure where i left us all last... i'm a little sad, but all right. sad that things that looked like they were starting to coalesce didn't quite. but i've begun searching again, for jobs and places to live. i just, want to live in a cute little house with a roommate so bad... i don't want to live alone, and i want some space for my crap, and some plants... i want a home. i want green rooms and red rooms, a futon for sleeping, computer stations, and a sturdy wooden table in back next to a shed so i can work on my bonsai... i know. i want a lot.

>musical segue<

i want the world...
i want the whole world.
i want to lock it
all up in my pocket,
it's my bar of chocolate,
so give it to me
now...

>end musical seque<

mom recently said, "you're so picky!" my eventual reply was, "if i'm not picky, how will i ever get what i want?" anywhoo, need to mail crap to a temp agency, need to keep applying to jobs, need to find a home in austin-town, need to do more yoga, think more positive thoughts, and be a little more thankful for things i do have. like both my testicles. and a winning smile. a great friends, and a difficult but loving family, and happy old geriatric dogs, and silly kitties, a pleasant singing voice, the ability to dance better than 90% of white people (possibly a low estimate), the chance to be me for this go around on the wheel of life, and do the best i can for myself and others. those are some nice things to think about. i'm smiling as i write them. see, positivity works! (damn it...)

all right. so that's it for now. but i'm sure i'll have more later. and to all my loved ones, and you know who you are, t-money, mistress yam, buia-san, c hitler, suta, electronic e, random readers (i KNOW you're out there!), people checking in, and right now, to just about everyone, i hope good thoughts, good feelings, find wishes all find you quickly, heal all wounds, warm your hearts, and help you find yourself able to give a big, honest, toothy smile, just because you feel so damn good...

love to everyone,
satchel pooch

the Boondocks

i have a lot to post about. but i need to get this off my chest first...

"Granddad, you said the word 'nigger' forty-six times yesterday! I counted!"

now, some of you may be familiar with the boondocks, a cartoon written by one aaron mcgruder. it tells the tales of an eleven year old black revolutionary named Huey and his mainstream younger brother Riley. they live with their Granddad in a white, upper-middle-class suburb. needless to say, these tales have a blunt, incisive, some would say "inflammatory" air about them. lots of talk of race and politics. i only know this because i hunt the boondocks down in bookform. the san antonio daily paper doesn't deign to run the strip. not even in the editorial section (whence they have banished "doonesbury").

that said, this is the new animated series based on the strip, written and supervised to a great degree by the original creator, mcgruder. and i have to give the premier episode four out of five stars. its hard making a cartoon show, and it takes a few episodes for people to get things really rolling, and begin to understand how the characters translate to the screen. now, for the good bits:

1. any show that begins with a scene based upon an animated seventy-year-old black man doing naked tai-bo off the infomercial to avoid buying the tapes is destined for historical greatness.

2. i like hearing the word nigger on television. not because i love the word, but because black people say nigger in everyday speech, and to have a show actually portray that as a cultural norm is awesome. will this make idiots like my unintentionally(?) racist brother worse? possibly. will he get his ass beat soon enough. oh god please, i wish...

3. conservative internet bugs are already e-mailing cartoon network to ask if "insulting them further by running 'the boondocks' was really necessary." their response: you own the white house, congress, and corporate america. you can deal with a half hour of television. or not. we don't really care.

4. "The secret to getting on the good side of the NEW white man, is cheese!"

5. Granddad accidentally shoots Riley in the shin with a low-power air rifle.

6. The rich white marine recently returned from Iraq has massive bling (in the form of a big gold W on a chain), wears saggy-ass fatigues and a beater, and has the ultimate in cultural misappropriation gutter mouth. no one's language in the show is more "hip-hop" than his. the irony was so beautiful, it almost hurt. and it was right on the money. it was hilarious and sad.

7. "White people pronounce THE WHOLE WORD. LIKE THIS."

8. "The last thing you do is tell white people the truth!"

this is all randomly shunted together, but the show was basically amazing, and you should all watch it, and enjoy it. and i realize that lots of people use the word nigger in their regular speech, but idiots like my brother should not. its an insider word, like faggot. fags can call each other faggots (sometimes), but to you, its sir, now and always! anyway, more posting later, but for now, WATCH THE FRIGGIN BOONDOCKS!!!

that is all.

intellectual Ho

i am so easy... so there's this new little puzzle game that's "sweeping the nation!" it involves numbers, is from asia (natch), and is like those little logic puzzles you used to do in grade school, where you have to match the first name to the last name, which apartment they live in, their favorite food, and what kind of pet they own. and by extension, what pet is involved with what food, last name, etc... anyway... yes, i speak of sudoku. and after playing it once, ONCE I TELL YOU!!! i am completely addicted. move over crossword puzzles... its time to put numbers in boxes.

i just realized that i haven't read any "bob the angry flower" in forever, and i miss it. i miss it a lot. that's sad. i need to keep up with things that i like. it helps battle the masses of things that i don't like. and those seem to assault me on a daily basis. but i go on vacation tomorrow, and by that, i mean i go to austin looking for jobs and social anxiety. i know i'll find one of them... meeting people on the internet is so weird... you think you know them, but you really don't, and the entire e-relationship may only be able to exist in e-space. oh, the horrors we allow this modern world to wreak upon ourselves...

so i go to austin and do stuff. i should be doing stuff right now to prepare for this doing of stuff later. i have eight billion places to mapquest, calls to make, resumes to fax, printer ink cartridges to buy, austinites to call, etc, etc... but blogging is so much easier... and more fun... well, its easier.

i'm so tired all the time. i don't know why. mom thinks its because i'm so anxious that it just shorts me out. i'm tempted to agree. my wrists are looking tiny. how can you be getting stronger when your wrists are looking more and more tiny? WRISTS ARE IMPORTANT, GODDAMNIT!!! YOU CAN'T KICK ASS WITH SKINNY WRISTS! anyway, i'm sure its an optical illusion. my wrists aren't that tiny. but it does make me wonder. on the optical illusion note, it keeps happening. every day, i feel like my face is a different shape than the day before. it just keeps morphing, so that every time i feel like i'm getting used to looking the way i look, it oozes into something different. skinnier, fatter, wider, craggier... they're all possibilities here! i really need more to think about... so that i can stop thinking about my magical, changing face.

i now know two people on tour of duty in the middle east. awesome. life is really too stable as it is... lets put more people i love in danger.

update: so far as i can tell, mr. wind is still alive.

in yoga, during the relaxation phase, we sometimes listen to a new age record with a track that has a little twinkly sound that i'm sure is from a video game. its like the sound materia makes in final fantasy VII. if i weren't trying so hard to sink below all thoughts, it would really crack me up.

t-money hasn't updated her blog in months upon months. i should call her. i text messaged her yesterday (hey, were you there when i farted?) but there should be voice on voice action. and i miss her blog. at least then i had an idea of what was going on with her... now, i just have to guess.

there is no sex in the champagne room. please remember this.

and there is no spoon. an important lesson for daily life.

there is no spoon.

there is no anxiety.

there is no me, or you, or anything. only the everlasting tao, which is beyond all space and time anyway.

and next to that fact in importance, please remember; there is no sex in the champagne room.