Turkey Day '05

Happy Thanksgiving!

i take issue with thanksgiving. really, at this point you're asking "now, what DON'T you take issue with!" true enough, true enough. but yes. the discovery of the "new world" ushered in genocide, slavery, and all sorts of other fun things (mercantilism, imperialism, etc...) but still, the idea, is nice. standing around the kitchen with family, making a meal together and then eating it together, is nice. its good. i like it. i have a horrible squashy spot somewhere in my nether regions for familial intimacy, love, and bonding. so sue me. i'm not that good a cynic.

so i spent this year with dad. as a divorced child, holidays are sources of stress in a strange way. you want to be fair. you try to remember who you spent last year with, you try to give equal time to all parties, etc. but we thought our cousin, (dad's deceased younger brother's daughter) would be here, so we planned on being with dad. which is all well and good. she didn't show up after all, which is a pity, since i think she could have used some well-meaning family around... her dad died while she was just going to college, she's hated her mother for years (with good reason; inane, horrible woman. racist, stupid, self-absorbed.) and she's been making her own way, so i would've liked us to be able to provide a haven. alas, alack. maybe sometime soon.

note well: the most popular destination this thanksgiving holiday weekend? san antonio. yeah, that's right! big ups to sa-town! whoop whoop!

anyway, the day was lovely, the food was outstanding, mom had a place to go, so she was set, all things are good. zach and i had been having a row (mostly my fault) for a week, but he began talking to me again tuesday. which was nice. i was a little worried, and i'd already written a letter, and it's hard to give someone a lot of space when you live in the same house. but the hump has been crossed, so healing can slowly begin. or something equally doctor phil. i'm sorry. i'm not the best with emotional stuff. but i'm really glad this is over, because for that week, i missed him, and realized that i'd been missing him for a while in some ways. so a new day dawns, washed clean of the detritus of the night before. for now.

its been a while, and lots has happened. i should update more... when your blog is your shrink, you really need to schedule at least weekly visits. but anywhoo... went to austin to stay with buia-san and his posse. everyone seemed to like me, which is awesome, and i liked everyone, even his evil roommate who was so jealous of me... we can talk later... he seems... interesting, in a "i need to deal with my shit" sort of way. i also took a quick jaunt up the next sunday to meet with someone looking for a roommate. despite augering well from the get-go, she ended up going with some guy more her age with a steady job. understandable, and she said he was only *almost* as cool as me, and wants to hang out when i get up there. so that's cool. apparently, people like me... i know, i'm just as confused as you are...

so while i was with buia-san, i interiewed at the austin graduate school for architecture. informal, just a "hey, how's it going, this is who i am" sort of thing. i'm so excited... the program is all about how "architecture is a part of the social/cultural landscape, and it effects everyone involved, from the design to building to usage stages." yes. it is wesleyan in architecture form. i'm practically wetting myself thinking about it. of course, i still have to get in... but the graduate advisor (the guy i talked to) thought my portfolio was "promising," so i think i have a good shot. i need to finish my personal statement this month. it needs a big overhaul, but the ideas are there. i just have to turn it into something spectacular! then i can spend december on my portfolio (in mailable form). hot damn!!!

in my living room, in front of some family photos, a menorah, and a megillat esther (the holy scroll we jews read on purim) in a fancy wooden case, stands a plastic tube-top peter griffin, complete with purple feather boa, purse, lipstick, and makeup compact. oh yeah... the living room is lookin' nice...

the aeon flux movie is coming out soon... so... excited... i don't care if it sucks... i grew up on aeon. i miss her. she rocks so hard, people in china think there's an earthquake going on. and now she's graduating to the big screen... i think i'm getting misty. hold on a sec... all right. enough. that, and king kong, are my two must-see holiday movies. fuck all this family shmaltz and crap. i want martial arts and peter jackson's take on a twenty-five foot tall gorilla in love with naomi watts. we even get some adrien brody (sigh) and jack black (ha HAH!) thrown in for good measure. i'm beyond what normal people would call excited at this point. but enough about movies.

i'm not sure where i left us all last... i'm a little sad, but all right. sad that things that looked like they were starting to coalesce didn't quite. but i've begun searching again, for jobs and places to live. i just, want to live in a cute little house with a roommate so bad... i don't want to live alone, and i want some space for my crap, and some plants... i want a home. i want green rooms and red rooms, a futon for sleeping, computer stations, and a sturdy wooden table in back next to a shed so i can work on my bonsai... i know. i want a lot.

>musical segue<

i want the world...
i want the whole world.
i want to lock it
all up in my pocket,
it's my bar of chocolate,
so give it to me
now...

>end musical seque<

mom recently said, "you're so picky!" my eventual reply was, "if i'm not picky, how will i ever get what i want?" anywhoo, need to mail crap to a temp agency, need to keep applying to jobs, need to find a home in austin-town, need to do more yoga, think more positive thoughts, and be a little more thankful for things i do have. like both my testicles. and a winning smile. a great friends, and a difficult but loving family, and happy old geriatric dogs, and silly kitties, a pleasant singing voice, the ability to dance better than 90% of white people (possibly a low estimate), the chance to be me for this go around on the wheel of life, and do the best i can for myself and others. those are some nice things to think about. i'm smiling as i write them. see, positivity works! (damn it...)

all right. so that's it for now. but i'm sure i'll have more later. and to all my loved ones, and you know who you are, t-money, mistress yam, buia-san, c hitler, suta, electronic e, random readers (i KNOW you're out there!), people checking in, and right now, to just about everyone, i hope good thoughts, good feelings, find wishes all find you quickly, heal all wounds, warm your hearts, and help you find yourself able to give a big, honest, toothy smile, just because you feel so damn good...

love to everyone,
satchel pooch