The Day That Wouldn't Die

as so often happens, i feel i am communicating with you from the depths of hell. this isn't an office... really it isn't. but it isn't even the warehouse that it would appear to be. it is the devil's hacienda. try the tacos, they'll give you ass-burning diarrhea.

my allergies are kicking in; my eyes itch, my nose is yucky, my ears hurt, and i've been getting these wierd zits on my temples... the zits are unrelated, but while i'm griping, i thought i'd throw them in too.

how the heck do you spell diarrhea?

i hate not being able to think. or concentrate. i hate that it looks like its going to rain a bitch outside at any moment. i hate that i need to spend eight billion dollars to get my little architecture dream machine up and running. the sweet sweet powerbook is sweet sweet mother of god expensive. then all the programs... you know, maybe i'll sell one of my kidneys on the black market. it would solve so many financial problems.

i have a beautiful tie that i love, and that i can never ever wear. its a pattern of small blocks that are alternately filled with a lovely shade of red and beautiful little drawings of elephants. it is, in short, the grand prize, trip to tahiti, dyed in the wool republican tie. even i can't help thinking of it that way. elephants are way too lovely and beautiful to have been coopted by the GOP. can't their animal be... i dunno, something terrible. like a tapeworm, or the pathogen that causes tuberculosis.

but i love red, and i love elephants. i love big grey wrinkly things. i'm getting those lines from your nose to the corners of your mouth. i'm terribly excited about them. but elephants... they can hear with their feet, did you know? these scientists went to the desert somewhere in africa and put some huge speakers face down in the sand, and they played a big stomp, or whatever it is that's a ground-transmitted elephant alarm call. and all the elephants in the herd nearby would stop each time and turn to the source of the sound and raise one of their front legs; the elephant alarm posture. it was so amazing and beautiful to see.

their feet are so squishy and wide, to spread their weight over as great an area as possible, so they don't sink into the sand. they can also find water in the desert, and dig until they uncover it. its the only way their able to keep cool. they have to drink masses of water.

its almost time to leave now. one more obsessive check of my e-mail. i hope tonight, i dream about elephants rather than dry-humping a waste-paper basket, like i did this last night.