Damn Man...

its so funny how you can come to love somebody so much, without even really realizing it... my sister just left for her last semester of college. i'm tipsy and have been staying up the evening and night tending the fire (i am the fire GOD) and saying goodbye to her. she is so great, and i am so sad that she is gone for another five months... granted, i'll be in austin in a few weeks, hopefully for a long while, but i'm still going to miss her so much... there are people who are simply positive influences on your life, who make your time enjoyable and fun, and she is one of them for me. and for lots of people, it seems... my father even said that she really seems to fill whatever space she's in. she's funny, and human, and warm, and silly, and even when she's (pretending to be) insulting you, its so adorable you can't take offense. she is so wonderful, and it took so long for her to become that, and for me to realize she is that... its almost unfair, how much i've come to love her over the past few years... god, what being an adult can do to a person...

in the long ago, i used to hate her... she was an instigator, a nemesis, an evil operator who made me cry and started fights, etc... i would defend zach against her nastiness. i would inevitably make her so irritated that she would hit me, and then i would taunt her for resorting to physical violence. such are the ways of the children of psychologists... or maybe its only my way... but since she's gone to college, since i've gone to college, and she clutched me on my last morning and cried, right in the parking lot of our high-school... she has become a beacon of kindness (in her own way) and love. she has become this strange warrior princess, who imparts strength and merriment. and i can hardly stand home-life without her.

soon, i will be on my (relative) own in austin. and though i'm sure i will find people to fill my needs, i await the day that my sister comes back to go to med school here, and i will be just a short drive from the joy she imparts and the laughter she causes. i almost cried as the car pulled out of the driveway. and for me, that's a big thing.

it's so strange for me to love my sister. and i like that it's the case. now, i just need to work on my brother; a much more sordid affair... but i love him too right now. and apparently, i still have my sister's ipod. we'll have to mail it to her. oh life... a tricky, tricky arena... enough for now. let it be known, in summation, that i love my sister more than is healthy, for love is a dangerous thing. and i hardly care, i love her so much... i love you r. more than i could ever express. j.