porn does not all wounds heal...

so granted, having to sexual slash sexuality outlet is highly irritating. watching hours of porn doesn't help. i know, i'm as surprised as you are. but really though... i forget that porn is this emotionless arena, this psychologically and spiritually barren field most of the time. porn does not love you. it does not want to know how your day was. porn does not try to make you feel better when things are rotten, nor can it give you a hug or a shoulder to cry on. it doesn't even give you sex. it just makes you want sex more.

i have flesh issues anyway. i'm a confused individual. but after making myself sick by way of adult entertainment, i'm a little less confused. even at your mental and emotional emptiest, porn does not fill you in any way. it doesn't give you anything. granted, it allows a temporary psychological/physical gratification, which can be a good thing. but in the end, porn leaves you just as spiritually empty as you were before. moreso. because you only realize what you're really lacking; the things porn cannot give you.

granted, this all may be a grossly overblown guilt-reaction to wasting way too much precious time. but i also think i'm onto something. my major goal upon moving to austin is to re-learn how to interact with people in real life. i think i've mostly forgotten. no more internet, not more letters, no more. more phone. more real life. more talking to people while being in the same physical space as them. more building relationships. more listening. more focus on others and my surroundings, less focus on my brain and all its internal processes.

also, things can chafe. (spelling?) they haven't, but its a possibility.

and i like to think that someone out there reading this blog thinks its really, really funny.

i'm tired. and i feel nauseous.

how about you?