Saturday...

i feel glorious today. it is beautiful out. my allergies have abated a bit. i had a wonderful evening last night. i am not at the warehouse. life suddenly feels good again.

chris, kas, and i will be starting an e-zine. it will be quarterly, and amazing, and i am so excited about it... the first issue will be exploring the theme of communication. it will be out in april. oh yeah. i really am so ridiculously excited about it... mmm... e-zine.

wolfie nee alex has not yet e-mailed me back, but i can't even find it in me to be distressed by that fact. he is a busy young man, and has plenty to do, so he will write when he can, if he wants, and there is utterly nothing for me to do about it. so to that i say, and send into the ether, "wolfie, do what you can, and i shall be ready for any contingency."

i went to the gym yesterday after a two day break. man did that feel good! i am such an addictive freak. dropping alcohol and pot from my life has only caused me to step sideways to other addictions. i'm not sure if only i do this, or if it is the natural template of human behaviour. but now i am addicted to the endorphins i get from worshipping the stairmaster in thirty minute increments. and i allow myself five cigarettes a week, or thereabouts. these are addictions, i have decided, that are acceptable. exercise is actually healthy, and if for the time being i need SOME sort of self-destructive habit, 1/4 pack of cigarettes a week is acceptable.

its my twenty-first day of sobriety, minus one night a week and a half ago that i got stoned. but weed was never as much the issue. my project here is to not become an alkie. i feel like my brain is working so much better... its nimbler, and faster, and it feels beautifully uncluttered. that fog that descends due to too much drugging has lifted, or is in the process of lifting. and it feels really, really marvelous.

i need to clean my room this morning. i'm not looking forward to it, but it will be good for me, and god knows i begin to love anything if it makes me feel productive... and i get to go to the gym again today! is life not endlessly exciting?

i should eat breakfast.