this is my blog. in it, i bitch about things, make fun of people, exercise the awesome power of my noodle, rant, rave, critique architecture, art, politics, foreign policy, and express my constant need to urinate. like a bitch. i live on diet coke, and i like wearing hats. stop fighting it and just fall in line and love me; i swear, you people and rebelling against the inevitable...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

All Retro, All the Time

so i admit it. i am a madonna fan. big surprise, a male homo madonna fan. yes yes. get it out of your system. har-dee-FRICKIN-har. i kid. anyway... i find myself fascinated with her new song "hung up" and the associated video. and not just because her ass looks better at age fifty than mine will ever look, ever. i think i like that she samples and borrows from her own music. like for her, there is nothing to differentiate it from the rest of the catalogue of songs that might be mined for inspiration. i also recognize that its sort of self-centered and egotistical, but hey, its madonna. self-centered and egotistical are foregone conclusions.

and i just birthed the word "egotestical" in the filth and gutter muck that is my brain. and am laughing about it. testical... CLASSIC!

my fascination with it all might also have to do with my love of dancing, and the fact that i haven't danced in what feels like years. and that video is CHOCK- FREAKING-FULL of dancing. good dancing. classic moves and rump-shaking, all melded together in an orgy of physical expression. and pink leotards. and that is where i am heading. not pink leotards, but the quality of the moves, the way they feel like and look like so many things from so many musicals/movies/videos/real-lifes/etc. they're campy and ridiculous and fun and joyous, and they make me extremely happy. you almost feel like you can do them yourself. which i say because i thought i could do them myself and tried, but it didn't go as hot as i wanted it to.

so here: just like she feeds on her own catalogue of sound, madonna also feeds on her own catalogue of moves, and other's catalogues, and while its sort of cheating, if it makes you feel that good by making you think of all the other great dance-related experiences you have in your head, i accept it. it is a positive. and the song is catchy. and i just like it.

i had breakfast with brother and sister today at a taco hut down the road. it was great. they are really funny. but mostly, just wanted to remind you all of another retro classic that we might all too easily forget:

in mexico, there are women who get paid to have sex with donkeys in front of large live audiences. probably in america somewhere too, but that's not quite the point: sex with donkeys. there. that right there, is the point.

and according to my brother, bringing this up in public at breakfast is "inappropriate." and that just makes it all better in my book, but my book is not his book. though five seconds later, he told rachel that if she wanted to take a shit quickly (life's deadlines are sometimes quite cruel and unfair) she might have to "grease the hole." that's all right. but sex with donkeys is not.

there was also talk of their opinion that i should not be allowed to have genitals. which i COMPLETELY disagree with. this one was in response to my bringing up that everyone in the world (all right, not EVERYONE... but probably its pretty damn close) has genitals. and that can be a really uncomfortable thought. think about the most hideous, irritating, just horrible person you know. they have genitals. now for me, the next step is to inescapably wonder about what those hideous, irritating, just horrible genitals look like. you don't have to go that far if you don't want to; it might be too much, especially if this is your first trip down this road of thinking. if your ready, move on with me to the fact that, in all probability, unless their sex life is like mine, those freaky genitals are used to have sex. with other people. terrifying, no?

anyway, they didn't seem to appreciate that one either. they seem to think i'm "oversexed" and "perverted." maybe they're right. maybe fewer people think about sex ALL-THE-GODDAMNED-TIME than i previously thought. oh well. i clearly do, and even wonder how one could not. but hey. no biggie.

perhaps this post should be over now. oh wait, no it shouldn't... i ordered porn eleven days ago. ELEVEN DAYS AGO! and its still not here. its backordered. which, when you're already talking about porn the word "back-anything" is funny. but its also terribly annoying. and i'm pissed.

now this post can be over.

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