Argle Bargle

yargh. urrf. moo-cow. i'm so tired... all i wanna do is get the fuck outta here. but no. i'm stuck. on an assignment i don't actually know how to do. this is great. just great. ideal. lovely. my head hurts. i can't do any more. i've been actually being productive today. i'm working. i refuse this work. i reject it. its been rejected. like an acne ridden dweeb asking to be your prom date.

i want to go to sleep. sleep heals all... must sleep through the entirety of my life... or get out of texas... i need to figure out something to do this weekend. i need to see a movie, i just remembered. my little pact with myself. if i have NOTHING else with which to occupy my time, perhaps i'll even see two movies; one on saturday and one on sunday. ooh... scandalous.

i need to go to the gym today. even that feels like too much. i haven't had a cigarette since sunday. i'm trying hard to quit. i just so want to go to sleep. i want to sleep through this entire weekend. but no. bad move. hibernation will not solve the problems currently on my plate. action will. i need to write for the zine this weekend, and finish off my letter to tod and billie. (since i can EVEN pretend to be on any sort of first name basis with them...) i looked up all sorts of fun mutual fund information today. hooray socially responsible investing!

the Apostle

so sonya at work (you know, the person with all the attributes of a cool person, but they aren't hung together quite right, so you want to like her a lot more than you actually do...) and a few of her friends here at work (i'll tell you what, this entire tale happens within the confines of my place of employ (read, at work)) have been trying to set me up with another young man here. his name is paul. when i learned this, my first response was, "like the apostle?" yes, like the apostle. except that apostle's last name wasn't wadlington. this apostle's last name is.

so after weeks of freaking out, deciding i would like to make a wolf-skin coat out of a certain toothsome austin boy, feeling like a broken machine/crusty-pussy scab, trying to figure out who this guy is, being approached by someone in the parking lot who i had the sinking suspicion must be him, etc. etc., i have answers.

yes, the pale tall lad in the parking lot who commented on my john kerry bumpersticker is the apostle. no, he is not overly attractive. my first thought is that he might be fun in that i feel like i could probably run circles around him, and control him in a great number of ways. he is completely non-threatening, which is sorta nice, but not necessarily something i look for. all in all, being spurred to get to know someone because they simply seem like fun to play with is probably not a whim to follow up on. its not nice. and i don't think i'm looking to meet anyone right now. i'm busy having some alone time. its not pleasant, but its seeming to be somewhat productive, which i'll take over pleasant most of the time. so sue me, i'm me.

so mr. wadlington. i don't know. i'm intrigued. much as i'm intrigued by many new people. i want to see what makes them tick, and i want to learn their little tricks. i am an evil, evil person. but he just seems so pale and soft, so innocent. so larval, undeveloped. i'm afraid i'm too corrupted. too mean and snarky and honest. i don't want to have to lead him to the dark side; i want him to have a summer home there already, like me. i feel like he's breakable. not that i'm not. i'm just breakable in complicated and interesting ways. but he seems breakable like a glass. he's transparent. and he certainly doesn't make me want to rip his clothes off and bite his neck. hmm...

anyway

i've wasted a fair bit of time. only fifteen minutes to go (THANK GOD!!!) i feel better about my prospects of making it through the rest of the day. not by much, but by a little. sometimes i feel, i want to DUH DUH get away, i want to DUH DUH run away from the pain you DRIVE into the hea-eart of me ... go ahead. sing it with me guys...