This is Getting Me Fired

right now, every letter i'm typing is bringing me one step closer to a corporate showdown. wait, lets rewind for a minute and find out what the hell josh is talking about.

we have been moved. no longer do we inhabit our out of the way, open little community, where we each had a desk of our own, a little corner for our stuff, plenty of legroom, and a casual, friendly cameraderie. gone are the days when josh could mutter to himself without worry of offending coworkers or other employees beyond our borders. we have been moved from the outlying lands of the warehouse to the vast cubicle garden of the building that actually looks like an office building.

understand, WE don't get cubicles... god no. we get crammed side by side at long desks, at those column ends usually reserved for file cabinets or printers. my section is thirty yards from the vp, who is in charge of the whole san antonio operation. you know me. you know why this is bad.

by the by, i was so freaked out yesterday afternoon that i stopped writing this post. its now tomorrow morning, or today... look, if i were still typing yesterday afternoon, i would describe this moment during which i'm actually typing as tomorrow morning. even though really, its right now. but to all of us, every successive moment is right now. so i suppose that... fuck it. fuck that shit. aargh...

anyway, we are surrounded by potential members of the "self-appointed harcourt nazi" tribe. these are the strange strange people who "identify with the agressor," as my mom puts it. and its true. to be on the powerful side of the employee vs. management equation, they become these freaky little policemen. and they don't even talk to your face. they make their freaky little complaints to their higher ups, and the complaint has to work its way all the way up the food chain and all the way back down again. so an hour later our bosses get a call, the complaint has completely been mangled into something different, and we are told that one of us did something that annoyed an anonymous person. and we all proceed to flip out. "oh god! was it me? what did we do? aargh!" so begins a round of even heavier paranoia-driven self-policing.

and do you wanna know the real story? because i was sure it was me, just like i'm sure i'm going to get fired. (not so much anymore, thank god... i'm calming down.) we were all sure it was "me." not me like josh, but me like, everyone assumed it was them, which is just so tacky and evil and foucaultian... aargh. but no; sheryl decided to watch the inaugeration on her computer, and she didn't have headphones, so she just let it play. in the middle of the cubicle garden. mind you, when we were down there with the chickens, the chickens politely asked us to please keep it down. but somehow, the lesson didn't carry over in sheryl's mind. so crisis averted. momentarily...

in other news, the beginning of this year is supposed to be a romantic bonanza for us virgos. i don't take this lightly, because virgos and romanc go together as well as *insert some witty metaphor about two things that go together not very well at all*. no no, i'll wait til your done laughing... i know i'm brilliant.

ANYway, yes. so i'm supposed to be getting my cock sucked and ridden in all corners, and in reality, i want to crawl into a hole and never meet another person again... i swear, life gets so irritating sometimes... just sittin' back, letting good things pass you by. because you're too unhealthy to move on them. word. that's my fucking philosophy. write it up and call the publishers. word.