*cough cough* anthrax...

words that describe me today:

pissy, flatulent, crazy, self-destructive, listless, full-o-soda

things i've done today:

hit my head on my cubicle wall to see how it would feel (it didn't actually hurt that much),

two crossword puzzles. i'm a frickin' genius.

thoughts i've had today:

i want to curse like a sailor. it would make my day better.

i am currently a piece of life's flotsam. i have no will of my own. i will float along at the mercy of fate. i will follow whoever happens to be in front of me. i am the walking dead.

i just accidentally tipped my chair over, thus making a laughingstock of myself in front of all my co-workers. i wish i could say i didn't care, but i actually do, and am full of shame, contrition, and self-loathing. i hate everything, mostly myself.

today is not what i would call a good day. i'm in a funk, and i'm not really sure why. i'm irritable, and i keep having these thoughts... i want to make someone elses day miserable. i want to piss someone off. i really just... feel like crap. because i feel like nothing. much as i'm pissy, i'm not straight up, full blown, kill them all angry. nor am i happy. clearly. today is just a completely nothing day. its a beige day. within a week, i will remember nothing about this day. it is lost time. i should have stayed at home in bed. because at least then i would be getting sleep. rather than embarassing myself.

my head hurts. no clue why. i have to go to dad's house tonight. i don't want to. blah blah blah... today even my stream of inner dialogue just feels like a roar of sound. i don't want to listen to any of the people in my head. they're having a bad day. they're bitching and whining, and pissing and moaning, and none of them are being terribly funny, and i'm not in a good mood, so i'm a bad audience. we're all just not happy in my skull at the moment.

i keep burping. i have so much gas in me... i feel disgusting. maybe i should stop drinking so much soda then... maybe i should try to just stop thinking.

i could read a book. i brought "the salt eaters" with me today. that might make me really happy. i should try that soon.

i want to close my eyes. my head hurts.