Damnit.

i know i shouldn't run this into the ground this way, but the love of my life keeps skulking around my area... you know, the tall skinny asian one with the two beautiful children (both female, contrary to my prior description) and the wedding ring? bruce kanagaki? because i know his full name? and have looked it up on google? (he plays the violin/viola in a little-known local folk-music duo?)

have i mentioned that twice, we've ended up peeing at urinals next to each other in the bathroom?

he keeps skulking! he keeps being here! can't he be somewhere else? where he doesn't have to taunt me with his presence and the silent reminder that he is not for me, not now, not ever, i wouldn't quit my day job if i were you? can't his boss be situated somewhere else so he doesn't have to pass through my corridor, breeze by my garden so leaves ruffle ever so gently at his passing? every time he passes behind me, my neck prickles in that special way, and every time we accidentally make eye contact i try my hardest to look completely bland and un-special, so i can keep deliriously worshipping him from afar without his catching on. and he always looks slightly uncomfortable. does he know? does he know how badly i want him?

why are all of the most wonderful people meant for everyone else? yeah, since i'm the only lonely single person in all the world... or the only guy to ever have unfulfillable crushes on straight guys...

longing...