pot and kettle

first and foremost: who thought up the disturbingly freudian show "date my mom" on mtv. shouldn't that be an insult? "yeah, well why don't you go date my mom!" its sick, and strange, and just a seeming expansion on the old one about, "if you wanna know what your dame's gonna look like in twenty-five years, take a gander at her mother!" its bad from the outset.

also disturbing: the competitive nature of it all. "we're gonna win him, right mom!?" "right sweetie! he's ours!" all actual consideration of whether this is a good person, whether this is a good match, whether these people are compatible, goes right out the window. "hunt down that piece of meat! shoot it with the tranq dart! aim for the left buttock!"

and the gay episodes... i hate gay people. i hate people who unironically use the word "mantastic." i just... aargh. i dunno. people are boring. maybe that's all i'm trying to say. and gay people overly wrapped up in their sexuality as a substitute for having a real personality are just boring gay people. and i'm a hypercritical bastard.

i am cooking a novel in my head. i'm trying to set up a plot and story arc first. i'm not sure how it's going. i like many of the characters, and the ideas behind the structure. i'm just not sure if i can pull it off... we'll see. i'm returning to the idea of a child protagonist. because i like children. frightening that i'm able to say that. but i have this constant desire to shoot back in time and rescue the little child that i was from all the situations that screwed me up. i suppose i only get to do it in bookform.

in other creative news, i MUST find a way to get over my guilt at writing so blatantly about the people in my real life. like, when all my paternal male figures are abusive and dangerous, which is how i perceive my father in many ways. and what if he ends up reading this stuff? i love him. he has a lot of good qualities too. they're just not what i end up needing to purge and sort through. a lovely image; vomiting, and then picking through it for recognizable objects...

i have written a letter of introduction to silo, my potential roommate in the big bad city that i love. he hasn't written back yet. i'm a little worried. i tried hard to give a pleasant taste of what i'm like, keeping it light, honest, and unfrightening. lord knows i'm SO good with subtlety...